It does my heart good when people come into the office toting their dog-eared copy of my book. I love seeing these intensely used copies that are full of underlined passages, and high-lighted copy, with copious notes written in the margins; nothing could bring a greater sense of satisfaction to an author, perhaps, (or at least to THIS author) than to see people take something one has written and comb through it for the nuggets it may contain – especially when it's for the purpose of changing lives for the better!
So, to all of my dedicated students, THANK YOU!
To show my appreciation for your concentrated study of the principles I write about that govern Reality, it occurred to me that I might offer something special. In exchange for a photo of your own dog-eared copy of my book, (said with a twinkle in my eye), I will answer any ONE question you want to ask me about Victim Consciousness or how to get out of it and off of the Victim Triangle. This offer gives you a chance to reach me (for a limited time anyway) and ask me that question you've been wanting to ask – and all you have to do is snap a photo of your well-used copy of my book and email it to me!
I will post your question, along with your photo of my book, here on my blog, along with my comment in response to your chosen question! We can use the blog to comment on the question you present … inviting all of my blog readers to join in the discussion towards achieving a better understanding of the concepts presented in my book, “Guiding Principles For Life Beyond Victim Consciousness.”
And for those who don't have my book yet, find it at Amazon.com. I look forward to some real discussions AND can't wait to see your well-loved copy of Beyond Victim Consciousness!
Just take a digital photo of your book, why not open it to the most read page? 😉 and then email a it to me at [email protected]. DO IT NOW! 🙂
Blessings,
Here's a couple of photo's … See the questions these readers ask and my response to them in comments below.
(I SO love a marked up book!!! 😉
“You are so well written that I need not ear mark your work.
Thank you …”
JT's question and my response are posted below.
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4 Responses
MJ, from Canada, sent in her photo and question as follows:
“I have identified myself as a starting gate persecutor so I see and approach the world as not being safe. How does being a starting gate persecutor relate to the belief that I’m not worthy of people’s love?”
Dear MJ,
When we believe we do not deserve to be loved … how do we feel … and interact … with others? If I don’t believe I deserve love because i am not worthy, how do I gather evidence to prove that to myself? Since that is what we are all doing – proving to ourselves that our “story” (regardless of how limited it may be) is true.
Remember the Reality Formula teaches that when we believe what we think, we automatically feel and act as if it is true … and when we feel and act as if what we believe is true, then we will act in ways that prove us right.
With that formula in mind, can you think of a faster, more effective way to prove just how unlovable you are than to act as a persecutor in your dealings with others? Need I say more? 😉
(This question was submitted to me by email from JT… and then copied and answered here. :))
I am flying all over the triangle but am becoming very aware of my Rescuer role. The problem is I have been caring for my chronically ill Mom for 25 yrs now. I have 3 older siblings who have never supported me period. The situation is getting extremely time consuming & difficult as Mom is now 88 yrs old. So, the question is how do I cope with releasing all the anger I have built up against my siblings? We were raised with a verbally abusive father & I believe the 3 older ones never forgave my Mom for not protecting them…
Blessings, JT
Dear JT, In this work, we look for ways to befriend Reality, rather than to protest against it. Nothing creates greater angst resistance perhaps than the notion that things should be different than the way they are. And especially when it comes to our family! You see the thing that causes us the greatest pain around the whole deal is NOT their behavior (not to justify it, or say it’s right), but what we tell ourselves it MEANS about us! When we tell ourselves, for instance, that they reject, hurt, abandon, negate, manipulate, and/or don’t support us, we automatically feel all the feelings that go with those thoughts. Then we respond to family members accordingly. They interpret our response as attack and come back at us with even more aggression! This cycle of “they did that to me, so I did that to them …” poisons the well and makes any possibility of peace between us impossible.It’s like we’re in a victim competition around who did what to who, who was hurt worse by the other, etc… We are constantly reacting from our painful beliefs in ways that prompt others to respond back in ways that prove us right – not happy, however!
The only real route to peace is to make peace with them as they are. This means giving up the shoulds we have about how they “should” be different than they are. For instance, ask yourself, “What would be different were I to let go of my should’s about how I think my family should be … and accept them as they are? The only way to do that really is to let go of our need to personalize where they are. We stop seeing them as doing what they do to, at, or against us, and start seeing it through a lens of detachment that says, “the way they act comes from their unhappy story and has nothing to do with me.” We stop making it personal. We refuse to see ourselves as victims at the mercy of the way others act, and it frees us to model something different for them. We find ways to love them right where they are, without insisting they be different, from whatever distance we need to stay kind – to ourselves and them!
The real key is to find ways to honor and respect yourself, whether they do or not! Family members often reflect to us ways we mistreat, discount, or ignore ourselves … they show us our own worse fears about ourselves according to the ancient principles that say, what we resist in them will be the thing we have condemned and denied in ourselves. The world is indeed a mirror. So then we begin to understand that our family dynamics are geared to show us the places we are out of harmony in our primary relationship with ourselves and Source.
When I feel unsupported by another, I have come to realize that the one who was truly not supporting me is ME. And that’s good news – because that’s the ONE relationship I can truly change! I encourage you to write down all the judgments and shoulds you hold about your family members … and then take them through Byron Katie’s 4 Questions and Turn Arounds process.
In the meantime, forgive yourself, AND your siblings, who cannot yet forgive themselves and others; make peace with the way things are with your family and use the dynamics to refine your own consciousness. May you find peace and strength in these words 😉
Blessings, Lynne