photo credit: semihundido
Here's a rewrite of an original post I thought worthy of re-posting since it aptly demonstrates …
Questioning An Unhappy Thought
second posting, July 22, 2009 – original posting, May 8, 2009
Here's a sample of my use of The Work ( www.thework.com ) in dealing with the troubling thought:
Belief: “I am a failure because I don't market my business well.”
“I am a failure at marketing my business, is it true?”
“Yes, I think it’s true.”
I wrote down all of my evidence to support that thought.
I don’t do the things I know will promote my business, like attend networking functions, writing promotions or offering “special deals,” etc.
I prefer to wait until clients find me, rather than solicit them through advertising or asking for referrals.
I don’t spend enough time doing things that will promote my work.
I forget to mention my business when opportunities to promote arise.
Then I asked myself the following questions and answered them:
“Do I absolutely know that I am a failure who does not market my business successfully?”
“I’m not quite as convinced as before I started investigating my thoughts.”
“When I believe the thought, “I am a failure at marketing…” how do I think, feel, and react to the world?”
“I think of myself as a failure and feel inadequate, frustrated & disappointed in myself.
I think thoughts like, “I might as well give up because I am too lazy to do what is needed to build a thriving business. (feel guilt) I must be unmotivated to succeed at business.” And then I feel overwhelmed, tired, and stagnant.”
I react by avoiding thinking about marketing because it’s too depressing to feel the way I do about me when I think the thoughts I associate with it. I treat myself poorly because I feel I am not doing my best. I see myself as a failure and expect not to do well. I work longer hours and give myself no breaks doing all kinds of “other” stuff to justify why I don’t “promote” my work.
What would be different without the thought, “I am a failure …”
I would relax and be more at ease about marketing – whether I was doing it or not! Marketing might actually begin to happen naturally when I talk to people because I would be feeling the passion for what I do rather than the guilt of “not doing it right. I would treat myself better, trusting that the way I share my business is exactly the right way for me!” I would feel more trust in the reality of how my business is, rather than be caught up in some idea of the way it “should” be.”
Turn Around:
What’s the opposite of “I am a failure at marketing my business?”
“I am a success at marketing my business, because”:
my client load is sufficient so I must be doing something right!
I am able to encourage in others a desire to refer their friends & family to me.
I practice what I teach and so others are attracted to my message.
I know how to share my experiences openly so that others can relate to me which encourages them to come back.
I use the most effective marketing tools based on the law of attraction – so that rather than “self” promote – I am able to “Source” promote!
I study & use my life & my body as an experiment for the work every day and there’s no better way to market than THAT!
Another turn around:
“I am successful because I don’t market my business.”
I successfully don’t market my business, because I don't WANT to market my business! Wow, that thought struck a chord right away! Could I be purposely avoiding more work? Could it be that I don’t want to work THAT hard? “Oh yes, I can see that possibility!”
I began to work with why that idea might be a possibility:
Because “marketing” in the typical way does not appeal to me. If feels foreign and false.
Thoughts occur:
Perhaps it simply isn't the right time to market!
Perhaps I follow an inner prompting that holds me back from traditional marketing because it's not a “right fit” for my relationship with Reality.
Perhaps there are other things more important, like staying in alignment with Reality/Source.
Perhaps I am being nudged towards a more “balanced” life and in following those inner nudges I spend less energy trying to “produce” more business and more time relaxing into letting Source move my life!
Might any of these stories be just as true as the one that says, “I am a failure …?”
ABSOLUTELY!
After investigating this belief, I found myself better able to accept the pace at which my business was unfolding. I began to find peace with it and as a result, a marketing plan that has felt appropriate, a “right fit” for my business has unfolded.
The slower unfolding of my business has allowed me to come into an integrity with the way my business is promoted so that the way I “market” is congruent with what I share with others. By recognizing thoughts that promote trust in the way things are, rather than believing thoughts that bring resistance, I have felt more at ease and in alignment with Reality/Source.
7 Responses
Dear Lynne,
You have so rightfully said that those who wanted to know about you somehow know about you.I am one of them 2 years ago I was completely in the victim triange and then a friend of mine exposed me to a mirror where I saw myself as a victim to life,I thank you the mirror was your work through which you help people like us!!!
Today I am so much at peace,have learned to love myself,am with flow of life,and this happens only if you want it to happen truly.I wanted to change my life,wanted guidance and the cosmos heard my plea..
I am a pilates teacher run my own studio,i believe the same if someone really wants to connect with you the source will help.I do not feel comfortable marketing advertising about my studio.I want to work with people who truly are looking for help and cherish what I teach and work towards changing their lives.
I am a firm believer of Law of attraction,it brings to you what you ask for..
Love and Gratitude
Monica
Thank you Ruth. I am delighted you found my blog and appreciate your definition of success,
Blessings, Lynne
Hi, what a wonderful self-transformation! By being connected to your soucre, you are being your authentic self and being honest in who you are, that is not comparable with any mainstream notion of what ‘success’ should be, but success according to who you are because it’s how you truly want to do things. That is true success. Following your bliss, doing what is right for you, not according to something outside of self :).
What a great inspiring blog you have here – thank you so much 🙂
Thank you Rahul for your helpful feedback.
I experience deep gratitude & much contentment for the way this work is unfolding. There is an old AA saying that goes, “The program (this work) is not for those who need it, but for those who want it.” 🙂 I think that is so true. Those who find me are the ones I am privileged to work with. Those who know to want it are ready to receive it!
I find delight in seeing how the work is spreading! It is such an organic happening! And the speed at which it has happened has been just right for me! It has allowed me to connect with serious students, like you, in ways I could not have otherwise and who generously share their own progress in transforming their lives thru this work.
I am deeply inspired by such sharing, It encourages & motivates me to continue my own journey into deeper knowing of a Reality that is truly magical!
Having said all of that, we are moving on a plan to share the work with others on a larger scale. I am completing a book, “Moving Off the Victim Triangle Into A Life of Peace, Health and Well Being” (working title), about this process; it is a step by step guide for the work/process I use and teach others to use. It has evolved into a “textbook” about clearing and reframing “victim” thoughts/beliefs; it teaches how to transform a “Victim” mindset, that sees self and others at the mercy of a scary, unhappy world, to a witnessing consciousness that sees the world as a mirror that reflects our beliefs and aligns us with Reality/Truth.
The plan is to have the book out by years end (Dec 2009/Jan 2010). We are making decisions now about publishing … thinking along the lines of self-publishing.
Are you on the Victim Vocabulary subscriber list? I’m thinking you are, but in case not … It is the email list that was developed to keep people in the know about the book. These are the students who will be the first to know when the book is out … and in the meantime, as a subscriber, you receive a free download entitled “Signs of Victim” and weekly notes from me on Victim Vocabulary.
So there is a plan … I so appreciate your support for this work, my friend. In the meantime, as we progress in spreading the word, I get to enjoy rich moments like this little chat with you! It’s ALL SO good!
Rich blessings to you, Rahul!
Lynne
Dear Lynne
Before i say anything, i with to clarify that the comment was not on the heights your work has already achieved.
My comment was not exactly directed at this post. It was about what i feel about growth of work and how it could be taken to “new heights”.
I feel a part of your work (i know, self assumed), have definately benifited from it and keep thinking… “how wonderful it would have been if your thoughts, ideas and understanding would have reached me, say 2 or 3 years earlier in my life…”
So, it took me/ costed me a minimum of 3 extra years of my life to grow enough to arrive at your blog and understand what you are saying ///… if by some magic your ideas would have entered my life before, it would have been so much better…
Now, being aware that there are many like the earlier verison me, out there, who desperately need the kind of understanding and ideas you share BUT have no clue … it feels like you should be known more widely.
I hope i was slightly successful in clarifying what i mean…
With gratitude and love
Rahul
PS: I also wanted to share that… i felt that the original verision of your post:- Drama Triangle: The Three Faces of Victim struck the right cord. It was simply brilliant, like a rose.
The new version, though much more elaborate, doesn’t feel the same. I feel it does not match the fragnance and beauty of the original one.
Rahul, Thank you for your willingness to “submit this comment,” although I am not exactly clear on what you are saying … Are you saying this post is too “evolved” for the average person to understand? Or are you saying something totally different?
Clients come to talk with me every week (& have for more than 20 years) from all levels of understanding. My goal is to meet them where they are and talk with them, as you say, “in the language they understand.” Usually that works pretty well. I have students who have been with me since I started. (I tease them by saying I am like the family dentist:)).
In more recent years, I have been using the tools of internet, like this blog, as a medium to reach students on a broader basis. Because I don’t have the advantage of meeting “face to face” with you all, I do not know at what level of understanding those of you who read my posts are. I appreciate your suggestion, (if I am hearing you correctly) to move more slowly in bringing people to a greater level of understanding.
I await clarification if I am misunderstanding your feedback. I learn so much from such exchanges.
Thanks again,
Lynne
Hello Lynne
Here is what i think and pardon me if i am ‘crossing the line’ in deciding to submit this comment….
You are evolved in the field of personal growth. You have gained the gift of clarity which some dont even know exists.
Your prospective clients are usually not evolved enough to understand the depth and meaning of what you usually say.
Waiting for them to come to you is basically asking them to become little more evolved before they can “see” with little more clarity about what you have to offer. That process is slow.
If you wish to share your growth story, help others grow on a large scale and still not sacrifice yourself in the process, you will need to talk in the language they will understand. Than you will need to share with them how to replace their conditioning/ baggage/ other stuff with the positive vibes in as few steps as possible. And this model of showing the birdge and inviting them to climb it with you ( cause you have been through the path, with you they can take the leap) is what will make you grow in your work ( i will not call it business, its a highly misused / overused term)
With Love and Regards
Rahul