We cannot get rid of the victim triangle: it is where we automatically go whenever we blame. The three roles or positions we move through in victim consciousness pretty much covers our present mental range of expression. And all three blame.
These roles represent the ‘natural' consciousness on our planet; as humans, it appears we have not yet even moved beyond the automatic need to blame, that denotes victim consciousness: we are all stuck in some degree of blame – pointing the finger at ourselves when we cannot find anyone else to blame. We busily thrash it out with those around us, using the same blaming and manipulating tactics we practiced as immature kids bashing others about. This is why I often say there are no grownups on Planet Earth – everyone is busily looking for ways to circumvent the blame of others, and to find someone else other than themselves, to blame for the difficulties in their life.
BUT we can create a new “starting gate position” through which we can rise above the fray and chaos of life and witness from the higher perspective found at the top of the upward facing triangle which creates The Reality Diamond.
The Observer is the name of that top position on the upper triangle, which is available to us as a refuge from the total misery making victim triangle. But to access it, we must be willing to put down blame – of ourselves, or others. Moving past blame, allows us to become Observers of Reality rather than reactors or victims at the mercy of life.
The Observer role, from a Jungian perspective, might be referred to as the “missing fourth,” because it takes four to re-establish balance. We humans too are looking for that which will balance out the limited options offered through the three limited roles.The Observer provides the fourth role, and automatically turns the triangle into a diamond, thus symbolizing the balance that is essential for peace, and harmony to be possible.
The Observer completes The Reality Diamond, allowing us to move into a higher frequency mental/emotional state of consciousness. We learn how to purposefully activate the Observer by putting down blame, and instead, choosing to see life through the lens of particular Universal Truths. Reality Formula summarizes into 10 Guiding Principles certain Universal Principles that help us see Reality and find peace. They form the foundation of Observer Consciousness and are essential tools for understanding how to move out of blame and into peace. When we are in Observer Consciousness, we sit above the fray and chaos of our daily lives as a witness, rather than as fault-finder, we witness our comings and goings, our doings, and decisions, with eyes that see opportunities for growth and expansion, rather than problems. We do not need to judge what is, nor do we feel the need to control or change life to match our list of should's.
When we move to the pinnacle at the top of the upper triangle that completes the diamond shape, we enter a state of balance between the two poles at the base of the upward facing triangle within the diamond, which allows us to become (at least in that moment) a harmonious blend of both empathy, compassion, and acceptance (that which counterbalances the Rescuer) and the ability to stand firm in our own truth (which counterbalances the Persecutor/Bully).
We don't get rid of the roles we play on the victim triangle; we don't need to. That is not what is needed. we begin to learn instead how to use the awareness of observing ourselves on the victim triangle as an educational experience! Instead of trying to get rid of victim consciousness (btw, good luck with that!) we simply add a better option to the mix! The Observer Self, which requires we step out of blame, becomes a possibility. We access the diamond-in-the-rough within us, and begin to understand the whole process as being one of transformation of mind and body.
We stop blaming, take charge of the thoughts and beliefs that hold us prisoner on the victim triangle, and step out the helpless baby, victim role – and move to the Observer who watches, questions, and learns from everything encountered. Life circumstances and happenings become grist for the mill for refinement and attaining maturity. This is how we turn the downward facing triangle into a refined diamond instead.
The Four Roles on The Reality Diamond©:
- Helpless Baby/ victim – bottom point of the diamond – Blame and Collapse
- Persecutor/Bully – Blame and Attack
- Rescuer/Bossy Helper – formerly called the Hero Helper – Blame and Fix
- Observer/Witnessing Listener – top point of the diamond – Appreciation and Gratitude
Observer immediately creates a balance between these two poles :
- Empathetic Nurturer
- Respectful Asserter
As I mentioned these roles indicate levels or “stages” of maturity, as well as being our primary defense strategies. Learn more about The Stages of Maturity On The Reality Diamond